I opened the computer this morning to find that Brittany Maynard ended her life Saturday and I was awash with varying emotions. I was sad. Twenty-nine years old. Dang. Really sad. I was proud of her and for her, and her family, for the end of the struggle not only with her illness but with the decision and the media. And honestly, get this...
I was jealous. Yeah. Jealous.
And as I let myself sit with that feeling for awhile, I couldn't help pondering the possibility that some of the heavy backlash from certain groups may also be rooted in this weird emotion of envy. No one, no one, wants to die a slow and agonizing death. You hear people speak of it, "She went quietly in her sleep," with a hushed tone of thankfulness. We all, ALL OF US, every last one of us, if given the choice for how to pass from this life into death would choose exactly what Brittany chose.
But here's the reality. We don't all get to choose. And I think, feel, believe that most of the naysayers, regardless of how they've packaged it to look more pious than it is, are really just two year-olds standing with red cheeks and stomping their feet because they got the short half of the cookie.
It's just not fair!! Stomp. Stomp.
Some of us will die in tragic accidents, some in violent criminal acts, some in the throes of painful diseases, some of us will die from natural disasters with own houses crumbling atop us. There are as many unpleasant ways to die as there are people on the planet and most of us will never get to make the choice that Brittany made because we won't even see it coming. And I just have this sneaking suspicion that this is why it bugs us so much. We are so. stinking. jealous. Even though we all know and have probably quoted it to our children until we're blue in the face, that life isn't fair. It's just not. It is painfully, uncomfortably unfair. In its living and in its dying. Unfair.
We have to find a way to come to terms with this and I don't think the best method is by creating a religious system in which the deeper our suffering the more righteous and significant we become. But this idea is strongly at play. The fact that John Piper suggests that Brittany's family will have missed an opportunity for really nothing more than self-betterment by not enduring greater levels of suffering is ludicrous.
"And the grieving spouses and mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters and sons and daughters are not merely watching. They are serving, caring, loving. Yes, suicide spares them the pain of watching. But it also denies them the privilege of serving. There are moments in the tireless care of the dying beloved that are so intense with self-giving love that they would not be traded for any death." (blog - www.desiringgod.org)
Serving the sick and dying is of tremendous value. But there is a big difference between yielding selflessly to serve another during unavoidable suffering and choosing your own piety as a servant over the potential end to suffering. "Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? God forbid!" (NLT -New Living Translation). Shall my loved one suffer longer and more deeply that my own good reputation abound? Hell no! (NAT -New Amie Translation)
And so, what if more people could be given the choice to die peacefully in their home with those they love? Does it mean the world will be deprived of all suffering and us poor living souls will have no opportunities to serve, to extend ourselves for those in need? Of course not!
It means that some of us, perhaps only a lucky few, will have the chance to avoid what all of us would if we could: the pain of seeing those we love suffer on our behalf. As well as a chance to watch in awe as another actively embraces the last step of life with great composure and the dignity of choice.
